Abuse in a relationship usually does not start suddenly. It is like fog, initially thin and barely noticeable. The path is still visible, but gradually visibility becomes more limited. Sometimes you think things might get better, but the fog thickens and it becomes harder to see.

It does not affect only the victim. The fog also impacts those close to them – parents, friends, and undoubtedly children as well.

In safe relationships, so-called “foggy moments” are natural. Everyone has difficult days; sometimes we make mistakes or feel tired. In healthy relationships, we know the fog will clear and trust remains. We understand and accept the difficulties of the other person, because these do not turn anyone into a victim.

Leaving an abusive relationship requires the victim to understand that fully comprehending such actions is impossible. Setting aside understanding is necessary for survival. Something deeply human can be harmed. Your view of the world may expand, but not in a positive way.

Research shows that before seeking help, a victim typically experiences 30–35 incidents of abuse that can be clearly identified as abusive. Yet the time between these episodes is not safe – tension, fear, and control continue even when direct abuse is not occurring.

Even after seeking help, the path does not immediately become easier. Statistics show that victims return to the perpetrator on average 7–8 times. This is not a sign of weakness, but a reflection of the bonds involved – financial dependence, children, hope that the situation will improve, or fear of the unknown. Those close to the victim often find this very difficult to understand. In order to cope, loved ones may try to convince themselves that the abuse is not serious, because otherwise the victim would not return. Paradoxically, it is often harder to leave an abusive relationship than a safe one.

Asking for help is, however, a decisive step. It does not make the fog disappear immediately, but it opens the possibility of finding a way forward. We believe no one has to face this journey through abuse or fog alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but the clearest expression of courage.

That is why it is so important for victims to feel able to speak about their situation within safe boundaries – for example, to an employer, or as a first step, by calling the Victim Support crisis line at 116 006.